Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Move The Beans
Can anyone else not believe the big to do with Monday Night Football opening the other night? So a girl jumped into T.O.'s arms not wearing anything. We see much worse on a daily basis. I even saw it re-aired on another station, so it could not have been that bad, granted the re-airing was a few hours later than the original. Ridiculous, the red states probably had a problem with a white girl jumping into a black man. But, for 22% of voters "moral values" was the biggest thing in deciding who to vote for, so maybe that was to be expected. By the way, "moral values" is a redundant phrase. "Morals" and "values" are essentially the same. And, "moral values" have little, if anything at all, to do with religion. Every religion has different "moral guidelines" laid out for its believers. Look at the differences between Mormons, Christians, and Muslims. Mormons practice polygamy. Christians are all about abstinence 'til marriage and then monogamy from there on out. Muslims keep their women all covered up and have very specified roles for them. I think atheists are the most moral people out there. Atheists are the only people who have never killed in the name of a god, in other words, in the name of their moral code of conduct. Also, a large group of atheists with a common occupation have never had a pattern of touching little boys. And in the United States, athiests have the lowest divorce rate. The term "atheist" has such a negative connotation in American society. An atheist simply does believe in a god. The prefix a- means to be without, and theist means to believe in a god. Therefore, it does not mean "raper and killer of little girls and beater of old ladies with birds on their hats." Some Christians may call an atheist a "godless" person. This is true. Atheists are without god, but the connotation, not denotation, of the word godless in our society is an evil one, meaning a person lacking morals and void of any worth as a human being.
Moving on, I heard some more shitty language today. This time it was on a toothpaste commercial. The narrator said that 90% of "dental professionals" agreed on whatever she said. Dental professionals? You mean Dentists!?! C'mon, I swear to god (ha, that's funny considering the above) this type of language is everywhere. It is absolutely ridiculous.
I think I'm going to start sleeping in three 3-hour blocks everyday. From 4 am to 7 am, from 10 am to 1 pm, from 4 pm to 7pm. I'm considering this because I love naps so much that why not take three per day? I hate going to bed at night, there is always too much to do, and I hate waking up in the morning because I didn't go to bed at night so I'm always really beat. This nap thing could be the next Atkins Diet, it could go big. The 10-1 timeslot would be perfect if we had siestas like the geniuses in Spanish speaking countries have.
Hey, did anyone do any hump day humping? My day was surely hump-free. I'm just wondering what's going on with this hump day thing.
Oh yeah, I heard another great language thing in class today. My fascist-feminist teacher, who spells women with a y: "womyn," in order to take the "men" out of it, was talking about the wife in a relationship dieing before the man, saying, "What if the women predeceases the man?" I nearly laughed out loud, but I wasn't really paying attention 'cause I did my usual thing where I print articles out off the internet and read 'em in class. But seriously, predeceases? That's funny. I didn't mean to bash feminists up there by placing them with fascists. There are certainly feminists out there doing good, but there are also the feminists who give feminism the bad rap that it gets sometimes, the rap of being man haters. My Prof is certainly a member of the latter. That bitch sucks, to put it bluntly.
I have to write a cross-cultural report on an event I attended, such as concert. Enter Bad Religion. This should go quick, since I have 3,000 words on it in here already. I need to tailor it to meet the requirements that my lazy-eyed prof has laid out for us. She really does have a lazy eye, the debate goes on about which one is the good one. Very distracting.
You know what I love? Credit card applications that come in the mail and say "you're pre-approved!" A Credit Card is the last thing I need to be pre-approved for. Wait. Stop. Move the beans. Let's look at the word "pre-approved." Wouldn't being pre-approved mean you are not approved? Shouldn't they write "Approved-No Application Needed" or "You're Approved, Application Not Needed"? If you are applying for college and are in the pre-approval stage, you are currently not approved. I hate the English language. Anyway, there are many more things for which I would like to be "Approved - Application Not Needed." An example: girls. Wouldn't that be nice? If you were approved going in, you wouldn't even need to try. It would be perfect. Maybe girls should start sending out letters saying "Approved-No Effort Needed." Sign me up, Sweetheart! Or a job, just show up, start, get paid. No applications, no interviews, no hunting. Girls: Show up, get laid - Jobs: Show up, get paid. Sounds like a rap lyric. I wasn't even thinking about sex until I wrote the word "paid." "When I'm getting one, the other's getting away..." - Kanye West
Fuck. I just quoted Kanye West. Gun please. Pretty soon I will be on Kanye's Workout Plan. Get that tummy tight, blah, blah, blah... Kanye is overrated. His lyrics are cheesy. I'm going to do something so dumb right here that will totally negate my point on Kanye. I'm going to quote Jay-Z, another overrated rapper (in my minority opinion), Kanye West is definitely not "lyrically Talib Kweli." See what I did? I used a quote from a rapper I said was overrated to put down another rapper who I said was overrated. That's not good for debating purposes. Self-inflicted bullet hole in foot. Can't run with a flat tire.
Until The Next Time.
Moving on, I heard some more shitty language today. This time it was on a toothpaste commercial. The narrator said that 90% of "dental professionals" agreed on whatever she said. Dental professionals? You mean Dentists!?! C'mon, I swear to god (ha, that's funny considering the above) this type of language is everywhere. It is absolutely ridiculous.
I think I'm going to start sleeping in three 3-hour blocks everyday. From 4 am to 7 am, from 10 am to 1 pm, from 4 pm to 7pm. I'm considering this because I love naps so much that why not take three per day? I hate going to bed at night, there is always too much to do, and I hate waking up in the morning because I didn't go to bed at night so I'm always really beat. This nap thing could be the next Atkins Diet, it could go big. The 10-1 timeslot would be perfect if we had siestas like the geniuses in Spanish speaking countries have.
Hey, did anyone do any hump day humping? My day was surely hump-free. I'm just wondering what's going on with this hump day thing.
Oh yeah, I heard another great language thing in class today. My fascist-feminist teacher, who spells women with a y: "womyn," in order to take the "men" out of it, was talking about the wife in a relationship dieing before the man, saying, "What if the women predeceases the man?" I nearly laughed out loud, but I wasn't really paying attention 'cause I did my usual thing where I print articles out off the internet and read 'em in class. But seriously, predeceases? That's funny. I didn't mean to bash feminists up there by placing them with fascists. There are certainly feminists out there doing good, but there are also the feminists who give feminism the bad rap that it gets sometimes, the rap of being man haters. My Prof is certainly a member of the latter. That bitch sucks, to put it bluntly.
I have to write a cross-cultural report on an event I attended, such as concert. Enter Bad Religion. This should go quick, since I have 3,000 words on it in here already. I need to tailor it to meet the requirements that my lazy-eyed prof has laid out for us. She really does have a lazy eye, the debate goes on about which one is the good one. Very distracting.
You know what I love? Credit card applications that come in the mail and say "you're pre-approved!" A Credit Card is the last thing I need to be pre-approved for. Wait. Stop. Move the beans. Let's look at the word "pre-approved." Wouldn't being pre-approved mean you are not approved? Shouldn't they write "Approved-No Application Needed" or "You're Approved, Application Not Needed"? If you are applying for college and are in the pre-approval stage, you are currently not approved. I hate the English language. Anyway, there are many more things for which I would like to be "Approved - Application Not Needed." An example: girls. Wouldn't that be nice? If you were approved going in, you wouldn't even need to try. It would be perfect. Maybe girls should start sending out letters saying "Approved-No Effort Needed." Sign me up, Sweetheart! Or a job, just show up, start, get paid. No applications, no interviews, no hunting. Girls: Show up, get laid - Jobs: Show up, get paid. Sounds like a rap lyric. I wasn't even thinking about sex until I wrote the word "paid." "When I'm getting one, the other's getting away..." - Kanye West
Fuck. I just quoted Kanye West. Gun please. Pretty soon I will be on Kanye's Workout Plan. Get that tummy tight, blah, blah, blah... Kanye is overrated. His lyrics are cheesy. I'm going to do something so dumb right here that will totally negate my point on Kanye. I'm going to quote Jay-Z, another overrated rapper (in my minority opinion), Kanye West is definitely not "lyrically Talib Kweli." See what I did? I used a quote from a rapper I said was overrated to put down another rapper who I said was overrated. That's not good for debating purposes. Self-inflicted bullet hole in foot. Can't run with a flat tire.
Until The Next Time.
