Saturday, April 09, 2005
Short and Shriveled
"Anonymous" left a quote asking if that Walker Texas Ranger clip really happened. You bet your ass it did.
On a side note, posting under the psuedo-name Anonymous is frowned upon by Blog Gods, of which I am a self-proclaimed one.
Note to Dusty Baker: In a half dozen other attempts at being the closer, LaTroy Hawkins also failed. Hell of a set up guy, not a closer.
Note to Lew Ford and Mike Cuddyer: Hit 'em where they ain't. Thanks guys.
It's early, I gotta chill out.
Cousin Dave makes another appearance this weekend, showing up at 4 am Saturday. I love it.
Saturday I have to close down the pizza joint, bummer. Sunday I work the lunch shift, then will be heading to Wausau to make my coaching debut with the nine year old brother's team. Notice where I put that apostrophe, I am refering only to my brother, not to a group of kids who I am calling brothers. I mean, it's Wausau.
Then Johan is chucking on Sunday Night Baseball, you gotta look forward to that.
Jesse put a quote of mine in his AIM profile, it was originally written in an e-mail but I'll put it up here since Jesse is giving it "quote of the year consideration."
"Potential? I'm not sure I'm capable of doing what I'm capable of doing, if that makes sense."
That's it.
I need to leave for a hopefully uneventful night at the pizza place.
Holla.
I'm kidding, since when do I say, "Holla."
Until The Next.
On a side note, posting under the psuedo-name Anonymous is frowned upon by Blog Gods, of which I am a self-proclaimed one.
Note to Dusty Baker: In a half dozen other attempts at being the closer, LaTroy Hawkins also failed. Hell of a set up guy, not a closer.
Note to Lew Ford and Mike Cuddyer: Hit 'em where they ain't. Thanks guys.
It's early, I gotta chill out.
Cousin Dave makes another appearance this weekend, showing up at 4 am Saturday. I love it.
Saturday I have to close down the pizza joint, bummer. Sunday I work the lunch shift, then will be heading to Wausau to make my coaching debut with the nine year old brother's team. Notice where I put that apostrophe, I am refering only to my brother, not to a group of kids who I am calling brothers. I mean, it's Wausau.
Then Johan is chucking on Sunday Night Baseball, you gotta look forward to that.
Jesse put a quote of mine in his AIM profile, it was originally written in an e-mail but I'll put it up here since Jesse is giving it "quote of the year consideration."
"Potential? I'm not sure I'm capable of doing what I'm capable of doing, if that makes sense."
That's it.
I need to leave for a hopefully uneventful night at the pizza place.
Holla.
I'm kidding, since when do I say, "Holla."
Until The Next.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Walker Texas Ranger and OC Threesomes
Morneau took a bean in the noodle. That's a funny sentence, I don't care who you are.
Ok, someone come and shoot my twice in the gut, wait 10 minutes, then put one between my eyes for writing that last thing.
Anyway, it's funny that he sort of blew it off, saying he got kicked in the back of the head with an ice skate once. I love that shit.
You remember Coach from "Cheers" - I think he was only on the first season for two cause he died, but he was supposed to be Mayday Sam Malone's old coach and a former player as well. There was an episode where he talked about how he used to just lean his head over the plate to get beaned so he could reach base. It was pretty funny.
If you haven't seen that episode, disregard the previous paragraph.
It's probably too late for that, huh? Sorry, I'll get you a more timely warning next time.
Moving on, new OC tonight. Will it suck? No. Will it be great? Maybe. I haven't wrote about the last two OC episodes because I didn't see them until last week, thanks to the friendly girls down the street. Jesse was right though, it will be an indicator as to how the rest of the season will play out.
Will we have another Truman Show like incident with Seth daring out to sea in an undersized boat? What's the deal with Theresa's baby? Is Ryan a father, does he care? What about Ryan's brother, how will he fuck shit up?
Let's talk possible OC threesomes, which one will happen first?
Alex, Marissa, and Ryan?
Summer, Seth, and Zach?
Seth, Ryan, and Zach?
Anna, Summer, and Seth?
Julie, Marissa, and Luke? (sorry about that one)
Seth, Ryan, and Lindsay?
Alex, Seth, and Summer?
My first choice would be Anna, Summer, and Me.
Two episodes ago was the best show of the season, pretty much because it made fun of the lame shit they've done so far this season. We'll see what happens tonight in the aftermath of the Julie Cooper porno revelation. Cal is up to something.
Adam told me I remind him more and more of Seth Cohen. I don't know what that means or if its a good or bad thing. I think Seth Cohen is reminding Adam more and more of me, but whatever, I'll take it and run.
Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon said "Fever Pitch" has a 0% and 10% chance of being any good. I'm with Tony, 0%. Drew Barrymore is an atrocious actress, and Jimmy Fallon... c'mon. If Fallon had been on SNL in its prime, with the likes of Chevy Chase, Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Dana Carvey (who just turned 50... 50!), and Mike Meyers, he would never have been a standout.
Do you remember when NBC first aquired the rights to some other company, I think it was Universal, so Conan was able to show clips of Walker Texas Ranger whenever he wanted and he had that lever near his desk that he would pull for no reason at all and a clip would show?
Well last night Conan was doing his annual "Comedy Spring Cleaning Thing" where he showed outtakes and other crap, well he brought out one more "Walker" clip, saying there was a reason why they didn't show it before. And it was the funniest one yet.
It starts with Old Dude speaking to some little kid, who turns out to be a young Haley Joel Osment. Haley Joe says something, "Actually, I'm Little Visitor now," then he says some shit in some indian language.
Then Old Dude says, "Well excuse my French, but all be damned."
Then they cut immediately to Osment who lays this one on his audience, "Walker told me I have AIDS."
Maybe you had to see it, maybe you didn't, but I laughed pretty hard.
I'm ending with that.
Until Walker Tells Me I Have AIDS.
Ok, someone come and shoot my twice in the gut, wait 10 minutes, then put one between my eyes for writing that last thing.
Anyway, it's funny that he sort of blew it off, saying he got kicked in the back of the head with an ice skate once. I love that shit.
You remember Coach from "Cheers" - I think he was only on the first season for two cause he died, but he was supposed to be Mayday Sam Malone's old coach and a former player as well. There was an episode where he talked about how he used to just lean his head over the plate to get beaned so he could reach base. It was pretty funny.
If you haven't seen that episode, disregard the previous paragraph.
It's probably too late for that, huh? Sorry, I'll get you a more timely warning next time.
Moving on, new OC tonight. Will it suck? No. Will it be great? Maybe. I haven't wrote about the last two OC episodes because I didn't see them until last week, thanks to the friendly girls down the street. Jesse was right though, it will be an indicator as to how the rest of the season will play out.
Will we have another Truman Show like incident with Seth daring out to sea in an undersized boat? What's the deal with Theresa's baby? Is Ryan a father, does he care? What about Ryan's brother, how will he fuck shit up?
Let's talk possible OC threesomes, which one will happen first?
Alex, Marissa, and Ryan?
Summer, Seth, and Zach?
Seth, Ryan, and Zach?
Anna, Summer, and Seth?
Julie, Marissa, and Luke? (sorry about that one)
Seth, Ryan, and Lindsay?
Alex, Seth, and Summer?
My first choice would be Anna, Summer, and Me.
Two episodes ago was the best show of the season, pretty much because it made fun of the lame shit they've done so far this season. We'll see what happens tonight in the aftermath of the Julie Cooper porno revelation. Cal is up to something.
Adam told me I remind him more and more of Seth Cohen. I don't know what that means or if its a good or bad thing. I think Seth Cohen is reminding Adam more and more of me, but whatever, I'll take it and run.
Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon said "Fever Pitch" has a 0% and 10% chance of being any good. I'm with Tony, 0%. Drew Barrymore is an atrocious actress, and Jimmy Fallon... c'mon. If Fallon had been on SNL in its prime, with the likes of Chevy Chase, Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Dana Carvey (who just turned 50... 50!), and Mike Meyers, he would never have been a standout.
Do you remember when NBC first aquired the rights to some other company, I think it was Universal, so Conan was able to show clips of Walker Texas Ranger whenever he wanted and he had that lever near his desk that he would pull for no reason at all and a clip would show?
Well last night Conan was doing his annual "Comedy Spring Cleaning Thing" where he showed outtakes and other crap, well he brought out one more "Walker" clip, saying there was a reason why they didn't show it before. And it was the funniest one yet.
It starts with Old Dude speaking to some little kid, who turns out to be a young Haley Joel Osment. Haley Joe says something, "Actually, I'm Little Visitor now," then he says some shit in some indian language.
Then Old Dude says, "Well excuse my French, but all be damned."
Then they cut immediately to Osment who lays this one on his audience, "Walker told me I have AIDS."
Maybe you had to see it, maybe you didn't, but I laughed pretty hard.
I'm ending with that.
Until Walker Tells Me I Have AIDS.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Quickie
Let's talk baseball...
Oh man, last night, just ups and downs.
Johan got his ass kicked in the first inning.
Let me interupt this thought by adding that Johan is the next one-name athlete to become household, much like Kobe, Ichiro, and Tiger.
But then he settled down and showed why he won the Cy Young last year. He only made it through five innings though, mostly because he threw nearly 35 first inning pitches.
The Twins rallied just in time to get Johan his 1st win of the season, and 14 consecutive, dating back to last season. On 7 singles and a dong by Jacque Jones, the Twins but together a 7-run inning.
The two best parts of the Top of 5:
Runners on 1st and 2nd, 1 out, count is 3-1 to Joe Mauer and Gardy puts on the hit and run. The runners go, and as the SS is covering second because of the steal in progress, Mauer puts a ground ball through the infield right where the SS would have been had there not been a hit and run on. Beautiful. As Dick Bremer said last night, the properly executed hit-and-run is one of the greatest baseball plays.
Then, Jacque Jones, who can't hit lefties at all, goes yard off of one. It was a great swing, great contact, great result. If Jones has figured out lefties, look out!
So the Twins win 8-4, get Johan the W, and head into the rubber match with Seattle today, which I will miss cause I have to go throw pizzas in the air.
More on this and other things later on.
Oh man, last night, just ups and downs.
Johan got his ass kicked in the first inning.
Let me interupt this thought by adding that Johan is the next one-name athlete to become household, much like Kobe, Ichiro, and Tiger.
But then he settled down and showed why he won the Cy Young last year. He only made it through five innings though, mostly because he threw nearly 35 first inning pitches.
The Twins rallied just in time to get Johan his 1st win of the season, and 14 consecutive, dating back to last season. On 7 singles and a dong by Jacque Jones, the Twins but together a 7-run inning.
The two best parts of the Top of 5:
Runners on 1st and 2nd, 1 out, count is 3-1 to Joe Mauer and Gardy puts on the hit and run. The runners go, and as the SS is covering second because of the steal in progress, Mauer puts a ground ball through the infield right where the SS would have been had there not been a hit and run on. Beautiful. As Dick Bremer said last night, the properly executed hit-and-run is one of the greatest baseball plays.
Then, Jacque Jones, who can't hit lefties at all, goes yard off of one. It was a great swing, great contact, great result. If Jones has figured out lefties, look out!
So the Twins win 8-4, get Johan the W, and head into the rubber match with Seattle today, which I will miss cause I have to go throw pizzas in the air.
More on this and other things later on.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
It's Been A While...
What a weekend.
Friday started out with happy hour followed by a keg tapping at our house.
Adam and Cousin Dave were here for both nights of the weekend festivities. Jesse and Adam had a fun time watching me get in way over my head on Friday night, but that's another story for another time in another place.
We hit the bars, where I ran into a high school friend celebrating her 21st, I bought her a shot and didn't remember this until about late afternoon Saturday. I love those kind of memories, the ones that pop up later. Fun stuff.
Saturday was The Day though. Josh and Pete, a couple of Adam's buddies from the Cities came over for our fantasy baseball draft, which got started about 2 hours later than we had planned. Big surprise there.
The draft was great. Pete and I were fighting over atheists and Twins - Josh, Adam, Shane, and Will fought for Cubbies and we all fought each other and debated picks, gave high fives and ripped on each other.
Pete was the first victim, trying to take Randy Johnson in round 2 after he had been selected only two picks before.
I was next after taking Gagne in the 3rd round, I did not know that the night before he had been placed on the 15 day DL with a sprained elbow. But it's only 15 days, and he'll be back, so I don't feel too bad about the pick.
I'm not a huge fan of my team. It has a lot of potential to be both great and horrible.
My squad looks like this:
C - Joe Mauer
1B - Mark Teixeira
2B - Michael Cuddyer
3B - Eric Chavez
SS - Carlos Guillen
IF - Justin Morneau
OF - Adam Dunn
OF - Brian Giles
OF - Lew Ford
Util - J.D. Drew
Bench - Shea Hillenbrand
Bench - Co Co Crisp
Bench - Mike Lieberthal
* I originally drafted Taguchi, rookie 2nd baseman for the Chi-Sox, but I dumped him to pick up Lieberthal to use when the Twins give Mauer a rest.
SP - Johan Santana
SP - A.J. Burnett
SP - J. Bonderman
RP - O. Dotel
RP - Danny Graves
P - John Smoltz
P - D. Baez
P - B. Wickman
P - Eric Milton
P - J. Marquis
P - B. Lawrence
DL - E. Gagne
DL - W. Miller (picked up after the draft and put on the DL)
----
So Opening Day sucked for the Twins. Aside from Mauer's stolen base and Jones' catch in right field, there wasn't much to feel good about. Sexson demolished them with two jacks for five runs. But Santana is tossing tonight, so I feel good about that.
Back to Saturday:
We sat down to play an 8-player hold 'em game after the draft. I said my good-byes on the second hand. I had two pair, Aces and Nines, but Adam hit a set of Queens to take me out. I had a chance to not loose all my chips, but I made a mistake. The board his Q - blank - blank. We both checked. The turn hit a 9. I think I bet small and he called, slow playing those queens. Then the river was my killshot, the Ace hit. I bet out a little over half the pot, Adam raised twice what I bet, and I moved all-in. He beat me in the pot and I was down. Me moving all-in was simply not necessary. It was a stupid move since my hand, while being pretty good, wasn't exceptional. But, you play and you learn.
After the game I went to retrieve the porno that Cousin Dave picked up on his way into town and threw it in the VCR for everyone to enjoy. Nothing like a homo-erotic group porno viewing. The flick was called "Doggystyle" and lived up to its name.
Other than bring certain other things to life, it certainly brought to life some great convo. Josh revealed his recently reinvigerotaed sexual interest in tan lines.
And while some chode (not literally) was on TV making ridiculous faces and sporting a cheesey ass semi-wavey mullet (yeah, this was clearly from the 80's) Dave spoke up saying, "It's guys like this that make me think I could be a porn star." - a line that erupted the room in laughter.
Later on we put the hold em game on break in order to head to the bars, that's right, Shithole She-nan's.
I had a convo with Josh and Pete there where they said how it's amazing that the guys of the 213 talk to all the hottest girls in the bar and yet nothing comes of it. "Well," I said, "we suck, what do you expect?"
45 bucks and 12 apple jack shots later (I bought them for people, I didn't take them all), I was down to my last three dollars, which meant it was time to go and eat a piece a pizza I did not need at Jeff and Jim's, my employer.
--
But back to baseball. I fuckin' love it and I can't wait to watch Santana pitch tonight. Bliss.
Until Later.
Friday started out with happy hour followed by a keg tapping at our house.
Adam and Cousin Dave were here for both nights of the weekend festivities. Jesse and Adam had a fun time watching me get in way over my head on Friday night, but that's another story for another time in another place.
We hit the bars, where I ran into a high school friend celebrating her 21st, I bought her a shot and didn't remember this until about late afternoon Saturday. I love those kind of memories, the ones that pop up later. Fun stuff.
Saturday was The Day though. Josh and Pete, a couple of Adam's buddies from the Cities came over for our fantasy baseball draft, which got started about 2 hours later than we had planned. Big surprise there.
The draft was great. Pete and I were fighting over atheists and Twins - Josh, Adam, Shane, and Will fought for Cubbies and we all fought each other and debated picks, gave high fives and ripped on each other.
Pete was the first victim, trying to take Randy Johnson in round 2 after he had been selected only two picks before.
I was next after taking Gagne in the 3rd round, I did not know that the night before he had been placed on the 15 day DL with a sprained elbow. But it's only 15 days, and he'll be back, so I don't feel too bad about the pick.
I'm not a huge fan of my team. It has a lot of potential to be both great and horrible.
My squad looks like this:
C - Joe Mauer
1B - Mark Teixeira
2B - Michael Cuddyer
3B - Eric Chavez
SS - Carlos Guillen
IF - Justin Morneau
OF - Adam Dunn
OF - Brian Giles
OF - Lew Ford
Util - J.D. Drew
Bench - Shea Hillenbrand
Bench - Co Co Crisp
Bench - Mike Lieberthal
* I originally drafted Taguchi, rookie 2nd baseman for the Chi-Sox, but I dumped him to pick up Lieberthal to use when the Twins give Mauer a rest.
SP - Johan Santana
SP - A.J. Burnett
SP - J. Bonderman
RP - O. Dotel
RP - Danny Graves
P - John Smoltz
P - D. Baez
P - B. Wickman
P - Eric Milton
P - J. Marquis
P - B. Lawrence
DL - E. Gagne
DL - W. Miller (picked up after the draft and put on the DL)
----
So Opening Day sucked for the Twins. Aside from Mauer's stolen base and Jones' catch in right field, there wasn't much to feel good about. Sexson demolished them with two jacks for five runs. But Santana is tossing tonight, so I feel good about that.
Back to Saturday:
We sat down to play an 8-player hold 'em game after the draft. I said my good-byes on the second hand. I had two pair, Aces and Nines, but Adam hit a set of Queens to take me out. I had a chance to not loose all my chips, but I made a mistake. The board his Q - blank - blank. We both checked. The turn hit a 9. I think I bet small and he called, slow playing those queens. Then the river was my killshot, the Ace hit. I bet out a little over half the pot, Adam raised twice what I bet, and I moved all-in. He beat me in the pot and I was down. Me moving all-in was simply not necessary. It was a stupid move since my hand, while being pretty good, wasn't exceptional. But, you play and you learn.
After the game I went to retrieve the porno that Cousin Dave picked up on his way into town and threw it in the VCR for everyone to enjoy. Nothing like a homo-erotic group porno viewing. The flick was called "Doggystyle" and lived up to its name.
Other than bring certain other things to life, it certainly brought to life some great convo. Josh revealed his recently reinvigerotaed sexual interest in tan lines.
And while some chode (not literally) was on TV making ridiculous faces and sporting a cheesey ass semi-wavey mullet (yeah, this was clearly from the 80's) Dave spoke up saying, "It's guys like this that make me think I could be a porn star." - a line that erupted the room in laughter.
Later on we put the hold em game on break in order to head to the bars, that's right, Shithole She-nan's.
I had a convo with Josh and Pete there where they said how it's amazing that the guys of the 213 talk to all the hottest girls in the bar and yet nothing comes of it. "Well," I said, "we suck, what do you expect?"
45 bucks and 12 apple jack shots later (I bought them for people, I didn't take them all), I was down to my last three dollars, which meant it was time to go and eat a piece a pizza I did not need at Jeff and Jim's, my employer.
--
But back to baseball. I fuckin' love it and I can't wait to watch Santana pitch tonight. Bliss.
Until Later.
