Field of Deets

(If you get the title of this post, raise your hand.)

I'm getting behind on good stories and booze money updates. They will come, maybe, I mean do you people really still want to hear about New Year's Eve festivities as seen through my eyes? Instead of writing more, I'm going to go spend and drink more.

Happy 22nd to Will, on the right. His birthday was on the 12th, as was my father's. Shane is on crutches that are loud.

Happy 21st, Drewshbag! (His real name is Drew, but isn't Drewshbag just a fuck of a lot funnier?)

Here are the lyrics to a song called Regaining Unconsciousness by NOFX - it pretty much hits the state of the nation dead center in the middle of the head. I should have posted this long ago, but with the second inauguration of the country's most successful retard looming, I think it is appropriate to remind us all of what we voted for:

First they put away the dealers,
Keep our kids safe and off the street.
Then they put away the prostitutes,
Keep married men cloistered at home.
Then they shooed away the bums,
Then they beat and bashed the queers,
Turned away asylum-seekers,
Fed us suspicions and fears.
We didn´t raise our voice,
We didn´t make a fuss.
It´s funny there was no one left to notice
When they came for us.
Looks like witches are in season,
You better fly your flag and be aware
Of anyone who might fit the description,
Diversity is now our biggest fear.
Now with our conversations tapped
And our differences exposed,
How ya supposed to love your neighbor
With our minds and curtains closed?
We used to worry ´bout big brother,
Now we got a big father and an even bigger muther.
And still you believe
This aristocracy gives a fuck about you.
They put the mock in demockracy
And you swallowed every hook.
The sad truth is you would rather
Follow the school into the net
Cuz swimming alone at sea
Is not the kind of freedom you actually want.
So go back to your crib and suck on a tit
Go bask in the warmth of your diaper.
You´re sitting in shit and piss
While sucking a huge pacifier,
A country of adult infants.
A legion of mental midgets
All regaining their unconsciousness

At work today I was called both arrogant and cynical. While both of those characteristics are often found within the same person, I only admit to being one of them: arrogant. My perceived cynicism is only skepticism. The words cynical and skeptical are often wrongly interchanged and incorrectly given the same connotation. Skepticism is questioning things, not always eating what you're being fed, while cynicism takes skepticism to another level that becomes unhealthy. And as for my arrogance? Yeah. I am sometimes. What are you going to do about it?

The comments about me being arrogant and cynical came after I stated that I think Christians hide a secret hatred for the Old Testament because it portrays God as an asshole, my exact words. Didn't go over well. But I think there is truth to it. When opposers of believers in arguments make a point, they often use the Old Testament as ammunition. Read Dan Barker.

In that group at work, I rarely speak out too much because my offerings to group discussions are not often aimed at belittling someone else and my humor is not often of the same grade (level) as the rest of the group. Here is my arrogance emanating again. I have my targets, but I rarely hit them, while the general function of the group meetings is to aline two or three people against one while the rest of us are supposed to be entertained. However, and the attackers will disagree, the funniest comments come from the targets themselves. So, I am an arrogant cynic. Bring it on.

Speaking of work, I should tell you what I do, for those of you who don't know. I work on the University's Paint Crew, which means I go into work at 7:30, sit in the office 'til 8:15, sit in the shop 'til 8:45, sit in the building's lobby 'til 9:30, paint 'til 10:20, take our break, back to work at 11-ish, then take lunch at 11:30 or so. It's pretty tough. We make a whoppingly pathetic 6 bucks an hour, which we probably don't even earn. Our day usually ends an hour or so after lunch, which is an hour or two premature. Truthfully, I would rather paint more than sit around all the damn time. Our boss not only enables the laziness, but he encourages it - I'm not complaining. Pretty relaxing job with low expectations. But that's what a three week temp job should be.

Thursday Night TV Report

The OC

Blah.

There were a few very funny references, however.

Sandy's Bill O'Reilly reference, especially since it was on a FOX network, was priceless.

Ryan trying to get his shit on with Lindsay to romantic stylings of Steve Perry and Journey? C'mon, Ryan doesn't listen to Journey. What the fuck...

Summer wants to moink her boyfriend in order to create jealousy. Her conversation with Marissa is the kind of thing guys will futiley yearn to hear forever. "I am ready, I want to have sex." If they were so simple and blunt with us. But what fun would that be?

Another great reference that I bet not everybody got... it was about Summer's dinner with her special guy friend's family. Summer went into about how his mother had a friend named Kofi Annan, etc... Well, Summer missed a few things because Kofi Annan, an American educated man from Ghana, Africa, is the Secretary-General of the U.N. Good stuff. Subtle and hilarious.

The entire episode was aimed at this one final event, which was the ultismo cheese-fest. Just a huge, fat, gynormous block of Colby. Ridiculous. It was one of those uncomfortable moments where you just have to sit there and hope it all ends soon.

Moving on... Sandy is yet again Father To All with his intervention of Alex and Seth's fling... The Lindsay thing is going to get some tieing together next week... Marissa is due for a meltdown and a muff dive... And Ryan, acting slid a bit this week after continuous improvements. We need more Kirsten just like Kirstie Alley needs more shirt.

And done.

It's my buddy Drewshbag's 21st tonight, which means many drinks for all.

Wooha.

Until The Fucking Weekend.

It looks like the North infiltrated the South.

I was really excited to make the four hour drive to UW-Whitewater tonight for the roommates' basketball game, but an ear infection and other cold symptons have zapped my energy and I don't think I'm up for the drive. Weak, yeah.

So that sucks.

But I am also really excited for something will certainly happen, Spring Training. This year's Twins team is going to be interesting to watch because this is surely not a sure thing to repeat as division champs. But I think the changes that have made that are making things uncertain are going to be fun to watch unfold. Three years in a row they have made the playoffs and failed to reach the World Series, so, if something is broke you have to fix it. Hopefully a few new faces and a few risks will turn out to be the new axle that got you across the river in The Oregon Trail in 4th grade. Koskie out, Guzman out, Mauer healthy, most everyone else back. I am looking for Justin Morneau to go for about 35 dongs this year, having a chance to play everyday. Mauer should be around 30 as well and holding an average over .300 by season's end. Cuddyer should step in at 3rd and I'm guess it could be SS by committee, which is scary, but after all the things the Minnesota scouting and player development have done, there is no choice but to have faith in them making good decisions. So, this year's projected line up, in my eyes:

Stewart LF
Ford DH
Mauer C
Morneau 1B
Hunter CF
Jones RF
Cuddyer 3B
Bartlett/Punto/Ojeda SS
Rivas 2B

Rotation: Santana, Radke, Silva, Lohse, Mays/Mullholand

I predict a repeat, right now, before spring training. They'll do it.

It won't be too long until this blog feels like a baseball blog. Go Twins.

Until The First Pitch.

Shittin' on Lambeau

If I had to compare my poker game to something, I would compare it to the original Nintendo. When I have it working, it can be smooth and pretty good; but sometimes I need to hit the re-set button or take the game out and blow in it for a while. I get cloudy, my mind gets wrapped around too many things and at times I lose track of the factors that actually matter in the game. I am aggressive to a fault.

Kathy Lee Gifford has written a musical for the stage and it is premiering soon. Pause for confused, awkward laughter.

Peyton Manning took his second NFL MVP Award after netting 47 of the 48 votes. One person voted for Mike Vick. That person should be sent to Russia with no money, no passport, and a sign that says fuck the commies.

I learned something new today. Francis Ford Coppola fired Harvey Keitel a week into filming Apocalypse Now in order to replace him with Martin Sheen. Good move, Mr. Coppola. While I like Keitel, I've always thought that he is overrated.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split. One Rumor has it that Aniston caught Pitt having phone sex with Angelina Jolie. I think that these two need to produce a child before they split. Someone needs to intervene and help this happen.

Here is some proof that the Southern United States is actually a different country than the rest of America. Jon Stewart's book was banned in two Mississippi (I just sang the little song about the spelling of that state in my head when I typed it) libraries because of satirical pictures where the heads of the nine supreme court justices are placed on nude bodies. Wal-Mart has also refused to sell the book - just one more reason not to shop there.

I need to link you people to one of my favorite blogs. Read it, especially if you like baseball, but even if you don't, check it out.

Just a reminder, Wisconsin, the Packers lost on Sunday.

My left ear is clogged. It has been for about 36 hours. It feels like it would if your ears have just popped upon take off in an airplane. It sucks, really fucking annoying.

Poker and girls are a lot alike. I should put more thought into this before I post this idea, but I'm just going to toss some initial brain droppings out there.

Concerning both poker and girls, being aggressive the most fun way to go about it, but not always the smartest or most successful.

When you go all-in, there's a chance you'll get fucked.

When you have a hand, you have to read a player just like you'd read a girl in order to extract as much as you possibly can from her, maybe you need to play a massage bet in order to warm them up a little so they'll go further into the pot with you.

Sometimes a hand (girl) isn't as good as it (she) looks.

Maybe some more on that later.

You know what pisses me off - especially when respected people on TV News who are supposed to be intelligent do this??? It gets to me when people use the word "that" when they mean "who." Example: I have a friend that runs everyday. Wrong! I have a friend who runs everyday. I hear it all the damn time. It could the most transgressed upon grammatical rule in the spoken English language. People are "who" - Objects are "that."

One thing I often do that irritates me is when I am singing along with a song that has a grammar muff in it; I will correct it as I sing. Such as replacing a "that" with a "who." I know, I'm sad.

I have a four hour drive ahead of me tomorrow to check out the roommates, Will and Jesse, basketball game. The warm company of a female in my lap would be nice. Please apply within.

Oh yeah, shit, I almost forgot. I bought some bagels the other day, and on the package it said that they were "pre-sliced." But when I opened the bag, I found that they were, in fact, sliced. A Pre-Sliced bagel would not be sliced because it is in a pre-sliced state, thus before the slice has taken place. So, instead of buying pre-sliced bagels, I had actually purchased sliced bagels. That was nice of them to do that for me, but I wish they would label the bag correctly.

I'm out to expire on the day.

Until Tomorrow.

Just a reminder of the Afro's Power.

Sunday was truly a glorious day.

On behalf of Viking fans everywhere, I would like to thank Brett Favre and his generous attitude concerning sharing with others (if you need it to be more blunt, thanks for tossing 4 picks, Brett).

On behalf of Viking fans living in Wisconsin, I would like to welcome all Packer fans whose heads may be hanging low to come to my table and sit down for a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up.

I bet Al Harris couldn't cover Moss even if Randy only had one good leg... oh wait...you can't bet on things that have already happened.

Why didn't Ahmad Carroll make the Pro-Bowl???

All I heard all week and all game was how Randy Moss walked off the field with 0:02 left on the clock against Washington. Does nobody remember when Favre did that last year with even more time on the clock??? It's amazing how reputation determines how the public treats you. Favre could kill a loyal Packer fan in cold blood and the state of Wisconsin would say he was doing it to fire up his team and he would go free and never be more loved. The state of Minnesota loves him right now, that's for sure.

Bleeter Bloop.

Until Next Season, Pack Fans.

Check this page out. It gives me smiles.