Thursday, July 21, 2005
'Roid Rage
The Steroid Topic came up on my fantasy baseball league's message board. Jesse asked me to come up with an All-'Roid Team, so with no fear of forcing the guilty to prove themselves innocent, here it is:
C - Victor Martinez. Huge drop off in numbers. Huge. And, I never mind picking on other AL Central players.
1B - Giambi. You can't leave the steroid poster boy off the roster.
2B - The Newest Twin: Bret Boone. After the year(s) he had not too long ago, his drop off is timely enough to be labeled "'Roid Caused." But one cannot discount the fact that the day he was born is getting farther and farther away.
3B - Mike Lowell. The fucker who tagged The Guth for an extra-innings dong against the Cubbies in The Year of Bartmann is not even on pace to hit half as many dongs as he did a year ago. And his numbers fell last year from the year before.
SS - (For lack of a better candidate): Nomahhh. Injuries add up to speculation in this case. And not too many players around the league not wrapped up in 'roid speculation are experiencing such a steep career decline. Nomar is like the Police Academy movies: a few were good enough, once you get into 5, 6, and 7 you are just asking for crap.
LF - As my buddy Jim Rome calls him: Barroid. And I think he is chicken shit for sitting out. Injured? Maybe. Afraid of declining numbers due to lack of 'roids? Probably.
CF - #21 on his shirt, #435 in your hearts and #1 to get busted under the new policy: Alex Sanchez. Fuck him.
RF - Swinging, Slugging, Shrinking Sammy Sosa. Dropped to 6th in the order in back-to-back seasons isn't quite the same as going back-to-back seasons with 60+ dongs. Get out the Medium sized shirts for next week; he'll need 'em.
RP - Ouch. This hurts. I doubt he used steriods. But... Juan Rincon.
RP - It's close, but I go with Dan "Flash in the Pan" Kolb. Two reasons: 1) Last year all-star, this year sucks ass. 2) I hate him. Note: I am 90% sure he never touched the juice, but it was him or Gagne and I like Gagne and I hate Kolb and 90% of the country was sure The Juice was guilty and he was acquitted.
SP - Jaret Wright. Why not?
SP - Mike Hampton. With both him and Wright, I have no idea why, but I can't think of a good enough reason to put someone else on this list instead of them.
The Batting Order?
1) Sanchez
2) Boone
3) Giambi
4) Bonds
5) Sammy
6) Nomar
7) Martinez
8) Lowell
9) Pitcher. (If I had to have a DH, I would put Thome on this list.)
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As I write this my house is literally shaking from the heavy machinery tearing the shit out of the street in front of my house. I woke up yesterday vibrating in my bed from a jack hammer or some shit. I hope the house makes it through this summer construction.
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I was working last night at Jeff and Jim's Pizza, the Eau Claire location, and normally I just supervise the store from the inside but we got swamped with deliveries so I had to take a few and on my way back to the store I passed a couple kids doing a lemonade stand so I had to stop. I think I wrote this before, but if you drive by kids having a lemonade stand and don't stop to buy a cup then that pretty much makes you a shitty human being.
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I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. Tim Burton was perfect for the remake, so was Johnny Depp, as long as that's the direction they wanted to take the Wonka character. It's different from the orig, which is a great thing, you can't remake a classic. I think it's a better movie, but it's not as fun as the first.
I am going to do some drinking and volleyballing with my day off tonight.
Including last night, I close down the Pizza Shop 9 out of the next 11 nights. Fuck.
Until The Next.
By the way, a very happy and belated Happy 22nd Birthday to Abby Cubs. Sorry it is so late.
C - Victor Martinez. Huge drop off in numbers. Huge. And, I never mind picking on other AL Central players.
1B - Giambi. You can't leave the steroid poster boy off the roster.
2B - The Newest Twin: Bret Boone. After the year(s) he had not too long ago, his drop off is timely enough to be labeled "'Roid Caused." But one cannot discount the fact that the day he was born is getting farther and farther away.
3B - Mike Lowell. The fucker who tagged The Guth for an extra-innings dong against the Cubbies in The Year of Bartmann is not even on pace to hit half as many dongs as he did a year ago. And his numbers fell last year from the year before.
SS - (For lack of a better candidate): Nomahhh. Injuries add up to speculation in this case. And not too many players around the league not wrapped up in 'roid speculation are experiencing such a steep career decline. Nomar is like the Police Academy movies: a few were good enough, once you get into 5, 6, and 7 you are just asking for crap.
LF - As my buddy Jim Rome calls him: Barroid. And I think he is chicken shit for sitting out. Injured? Maybe. Afraid of declining numbers due to lack of 'roids? Probably.
CF - #21 on his shirt, #435 in your hearts and #1 to get busted under the new policy: Alex Sanchez. Fuck him.
RF - Swinging, Slugging, Shrinking Sammy Sosa. Dropped to 6th in the order in back-to-back seasons isn't quite the same as going back-to-back seasons with 60+ dongs. Get out the Medium sized shirts for next week; he'll need 'em.
RP - Ouch. This hurts. I doubt he used steriods. But... Juan Rincon.
RP - It's close, but I go with Dan "Flash in the Pan" Kolb. Two reasons: 1) Last year all-star, this year sucks ass. 2) I hate him. Note: I am 90% sure he never touched the juice, but it was him or Gagne and I like Gagne and I hate Kolb and 90% of the country was sure The Juice was guilty and he was acquitted.
SP - Jaret Wright. Why not?
SP - Mike Hampton. With both him and Wright, I have no idea why, but I can't think of a good enough reason to put someone else on this list instead of them.
The Batting Order?
1) Sanchez
2) Boone
3) Giambi
4) Bonds
5) Sammy
6) Nomar
7) Martinez
8) Lowell
9) Pitcher. (If I had to have a DH, I would put Thome on this list.)
-----------
As I write this my house is literally shaking from the heavy machinery tearing the shit out of the street in front of my house. I woke up yesterday vibrating in my bed from a jack hammer or some shit. I hope the house makes it through this summer construction.
----------
I was working last night at Jeff and Jim's Pizza, the Eau Claire location, and normally I just supervise the store from the inside but we got swamped with deliveries so I had to take a few and on my way back to the store I passed a couple kids doing a lemonade stand so I had to stop. I think I wrote this before, but if you drive by kids having a lemonade stand and don't stop to buy a cup then that pretty much makes you a shitty human being.
---------
I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. Tim Burton was perfect for the remake, so was Johnny Depp, as long as that's the direction they wanted to take the Wonka character. It's different from the orig, which is a great thing, you can't remake a classic. I think it's a better movie, but it's not as fun as the first.
I am going to do some drinking and volleyballing with my day off tonight.
Including last night, I close down the Pizza Shop 9 out of the next 11 nights. Fuck.
Until The Next.
By the way, a very happy and belated Happy 22nd Birthday to Abby Cubs. Sorry it is so late.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Ebert and Deets
I appreciate good films more than most and I can pick apart bad and mediocore films better than most. Three of the last four movies I have seen have left me quite unsatisfied.
First, War of the Worlds, I had very meetable expectations for this going in. And it did not make it. You can expect entertainment from Spielberg and Cruise, but not something extraordinary, not a really great film. You aren't going to get a revolutionary film like Pulp Fiction, you aren't going to get something completely different like Donnie Darko, you aren't going to walk out of the theatre talking about it like you did after Memento - and you have to know that going in. Sitting down in the theatre you have to be ready for an over-budgeted, Hollywood flick with a feel good ending. You aren't going to see a film that's going to leave you thinking about it and talking about it on your way home.
War of the Worlds is a movie left with much to explain. For those who have not seen it, I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that what you expect to happen will happen. You'll see nothing you haven't seen at least twice over before. I'm sure if I had read the book I would have disliked it even more.
Next, Dark Water. I had two expectations for this going in. On one hand, a movie starring Jennifer Connelly has a pretty good chance to be very good, this thought simply based on her past role choices - House of Sand and Fog and Requiem for a Dream. But on the other hand, it is an over-hyped Hollywood flick, like another movie she was in, Hulk.
Connelly is my favorite acrtress. And she was great to watch on the big screen, but the movie failed and did it well. It was a boring one-way plot where the outcome was quite obvious and made little impact on any level.
Next. Million Dollar Baby. I am sure most of you, if you have not seen, have read many reviews on it... most of them being accurate. It is a great movie with great acting and great writing.
Next. The Machinist. The Machinist is a movie that tries very hard to be more than it really is. Christian Bale went from 180 pounds to 120 pounds to play the lead role and is often hard to look at because he is so thin, but his weight loss does actually make sense in the plot of the film. The Machinist tries to be something ala Memento or The Sixth Sense but it fails to reach that kind of "difficult to wrap your mind around" status. Confusion is minimal, suspense is too tolerable, and the plot is pretty straight forward in the end. I was dissapointed because I had high expectations for this one. I like what they tried to do, but the execution could have been better. Hopefully more people will make movies like this though because someone is bound to get it right. It's better than seeing more War of the Worlds and Dark Waters.
It's been hard for me to write this on a regular basis. My work schedules are not at all on normal pattern and my days are often 10-14 hours on the job. Stay with me; I'm trying hard to be more consistent.
Until The Next.
First, War of the Worlds, I had very meetable expectations for this going in. And it did not make it. You can expect entertainment from Spielberg and Cruise, but not something extraordinary, not a really great film. You aren't going to get a revolutionary film like Pulp Fiction, you aren't going to get something completely different like Donnie Darko, you aren't going to walk out of the theatre talking about it like you did after Memento - and you have to know that going in. Sitting down in the theatre you have to be ready for an over-budgeted, Hollywood flick with a feel good ending. You aren't going to see a film that's going to leave you thinking about it and talking about it on your way home.
War of the Worlds is a movie left with much to explain. For those who have not seen it, I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that what you expect to happen will happen. You'll see nothing you haven't seen at least twice over before. I'm sure if I had read the book I would have disliked it even more.
Next, Dark Water. I had two expectations for this going in. On one hand, a movie starring Jennifer Connelly has a pretty good chance to be very good, this thought simply based on her past role choices - House of Sand and Fog and Requiem for a Dream. But on the other hand, it is an over-hyped Hollywood flick, like another movie she was in, Hulk.
Connelly is my favorite acrtress. And she was great to watch on the big screen, but the movie failed and did it well. It was a boring one-way plot where the outcome was quite obvious and made little impact on any level.
Next. Million Dollar Baby. I am sure most of you, if you have not seen, have read many reviews on it... most of them being accurate. It is a great movie with great acting and great writing.
Next. The Machinist. The Machinist is a movie that tries very hard to be more than it really is. Christian Bale went from 180 pounds to 120 pounds to play the lead role and is often hard to look at because he is so thin, but his weight loss does actually make sense in the plot of the film. The Machinist tries to be something ala Memento or The Sixth Sense but it fails to reach that kind of "difficult to wrap your mind around" status. Confusion is minimal, suspense is too tolerable, and the plot is pretty straight forward in the end. I was dissapointed because I had high expectations for this one. I like what they tried to do, but the execution could have been better. Hopefully more people will make movies like this though because someone is bound to get it right. It's better than seeing more War of the Worlds and Dark Waters.
It's been hard for me to write this on a regular basis. My work schedules are not at all on normal pattern and my days are often 10-14 hours on the job. Stay with me; I'm trying hard to be more consistent.
Until The Next.
