Thursday, July 21, 2005
'Roid Rage
The Steroid Topic came up on my fantasy baseball league's message board. Jesse asked me to come up with an All-'Roid Team, so with no fear of forcing the guilty to prove themselves innocent, here it is:
C - Victor Martinez. Huge drop off in numbers. Huge. And, I never mind picking on other AL Central players.
1B - Giambi. You can't leave the steroid poster boy off the roster.
2B - The Newest Twin: Bret Boone. After the year(s) he had not too long ago, his drop off is timely enough to be labeled "'Roid Caused." But one cannot discount the fact that the day he was born is getting farther and farther away.
3B - Mike Lowell. The fucker who tagged The Guth for an extra-innings dong against the Cubbies in The Year of Bartmann is not even on pace to hit half as many dongs as he did a year ago. And his numbers fell last year from the year before.
SS - (For lack of a better candidate): Nomahhh. Injuries add up to speculation in this case. And not too many players around the league not wrapped up in 'roid speculation are experiencing such a steep career decline. Nomar is like the Police Academy movies: a few were good enough, once you get into 5, 6, and 7 you are just asking for crap.
LF - As my buddy Jim Rome calls him: Barroid. And I think he is chicken shit for sitting out. Injured? Maybe. Afraid of declining numbers due to lack of 'roids? Probably.
CF - #21 on his shirt, #435 in your hearts and #1 to get busted under the new policy: Alex Sanchez. Fuck him.
RF - Swinging, Slugging, Shrinking Sammy Sosa. Dropped to 6th in the order in back-to-back seasons isn't quite the same as going back-to-back seasons with 60+ dongs. Get out the Medium sized shirts for next week; he'll need 'em.
RP - Ouch. This hurts. I doubt he used steriods. But... Juan Rincon.
RP - It's close, but I go with Dan "Flash in the Pan" Kolb. Two reasons: 1) Last year all-star, this year sucks ass. 2) I hate him. Note: I am 90% sure he never touched the juice, but it was him or Gagne and I like Gagne and I hate Kolb and 90% of the country was sure The Juice was guilty and he was acquitted.
SP - Jaret Wright. Why not?
SP - Mike Hampton. With both him and Wright, I have no idea why, but I can't think of a good enough reason to put someone else on this list instead of them.
The Batting Order?
1) Sanchez
2) Boone
3) Giambi
4) Bonds
5) Sammy
6) Nomar
7) Martinez
8) Lowell
9) Pitcher. (If I had to have a DH, I would put Thome on this list.)
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As I write this my house is literally shaking from the heavy machinery tearing the shit out of the street in front of my house. I woke up yesterday vibrating in my bed from a jack hammer or some shit. I hope the house makes it through this summer construction.
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I was working last night at Jeff and Jim's Pizza, the Eau Claire location, and normally I just supervise the store from the inside but we got swamped with deliveries so I had to take a few and on my way back to the store I passed a couple kids doing a lemonade stand so I had to stop. I think I wrote this before, but if you drive by kids having a lemonade stand and don't stop to buy a cup then that pretty much makes you a shitty human being.
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I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. Tim Burton was perfect for the remake, so was Johnny Depp, as long as that's the direction they wanted to take the Wonka character. It's different from the orig, which is a great thing, you can't remake a classic. I think it's a better movie, but it's not as fun as the first.
I am going to do some drinking and volleyballing with my day off tonight.
Including last night, I close down the Pizza Shop 9 out of the next 11 nights. Fuck.
Until The Next.
By the way, a very happy and belated Happy 22nd Birthday to Abby Cubs. Sorry it is so late.
C - Victor Martinez. Huge drop off in numbers. Huge. And, I never mind picking on other AL Central players.
1B - Giambi. You can't leave the steroid poster boy off the roster.
2B - The Newest Twin: Bret Boone. After the year(s) he had not too long ago, his drop off is timely enough to be labeled "'Roid Caused." But one cannot discount the fact that the day he was born is getting farther and farther away.
3B - Mike Lowell. The fucker who tagged The Guth for an extra-innings dong against the Cubbies in The Year of Bartmann is not even on pace to hit half as many dongs as he did a year ago. And his numbers fell last year from the year before.
SS - (For lack of a better candidate): Nomahhh. Injuries add up to speculation in this case. And not too many players around the league not wrapped up in 'roid speculation are experiencing such a steep career decline. Nomar is like the Police Academy movies: a few were good enough, once you get into 5, 6, and 7 you are just asking for crap.
LF - As my buddy Jim Rome calls him: Barroid. And I think he is chicken shit for sitting out. Injured? Maybe. Afraid of declining numbers due to lack of 'roids? Probably.
CF - #21 on his shirt, #435 in your hearts and #1 to get busted under the new policy: Alex Sanchez. Fuck him.
RF - Swinging, Slugging, Shrinking Sammy Sosa. Dropped to 6th in the order in back-to-back seasons isn't quite the same as going back-to-back seasons with 60+ dongs. Get out the Medium sized shirts for next week; he'll need 'em.
RP - Ouch. This hurts. I doubt he used steriods. But... Juan Rincon.
RP - It's close, but I go with Dan "Flash in the Pan" Kolb. Two reasons: 1) Last year all-star, this year sucks ass. 2) I hate him. Note: I am 90% sure he never touched the juice, but it was him or Gagne and I like Gagne and I hate Kolb and 90% of the country was sure The Juice was guilty and he was acquitted.
SP - Jaret Wright. Why not?
SP - Mike Hampton. With both him and Wright, I have no idea why, but I can't think of a good enough reason to put someone else on this list instead of them.
The Batting Order?
1) Sanchez
2) Boone
3) Giambi
4) Bonds
5) Sammy
6) Nomar
7) Martinez
8) Lowell
9) Pitcher. (If I had to have a DH, I would put Thome on this list.)
-----------
As I write this my house is literally shaking from the heavy machinery tearing the shit out of the street in front of my house. I woke up yesterday vibrating in my bed from a jack hammer or some shit. I hope the house makes it through this summer construction.
----------
I was working last night at Jeff and Jim's Pizza, the Eau Claire location, and normally I just supervise the store from the inside but we got swamped with deliveries so I had to take a few and on my way back to the store I passed a couple kids doing a lemonade stand so I had to stop. I think I wrote this before, but if you drive by kids having a lemonade stand and don't stop to buy a cup then that pretty much makes you a shitty human being.
---------
I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. Tim Burton was perfect for the remake, so was Johnny Depp, as long as that's the direction they wanted to take the Wonka character. It's different from the orig, which is a great thing, you can't remake a classic. I think it's a better movie, but it's not as fun as the first.
I am going to do some drinking and volleyballing with my day off tonight.
Including last night, I close down the Pizza Shop 9 out of the next 11 nights. Fuck.
Until The Next.
By the way, a very happy and belated Happy 22nd Birthday to Abby Cubs. Sorry it is so late.
